So this post is going to be analyzing people’s behaviour online when they’re looking for a Japanese partner. I’m going to be talking specifically about girls (non-Japanese) wanting a Japanese boyfriend and not guys (non-Japanese) wanting a Japanese girlfriend because firstly, I’m a western girl myself and secondly I don’t personally know any non-Japanese guys who are looking for a Japanese girl.
[Warning – this may turn into some kind of cray cray rant!]
I think I’ll start with what I see ALOT online in forums about Japan and that is a large amount of comments and post by girls who constantly ask the same thing every time.
‘I’m *insert name* and I really want to eventually have a Japanese boyfriend because *insert some sort of unnecessary reason*. I’ll study/work/visit in Japan at *insert time or the phrase ‘some point’* so I’d like some opinions on if you think Japanese guys will be interested in me. I’m a *insert race* girl, 1/4 *insert an asian race* and 3/4 *insert any other race*, I have big *insert eye colour* and *insert length* straight *insert hair colour* hair. I have white, very fair skin and I’m pretty skinny, I’ve always been told I was skinny and I don’t tend to put weight on at all. I’m *insert height* and (not always present) *insert BWH vital statistics/dimensions* so I’m quite *insert tall/small/average*. I’ve been told I’m very *list of traits found in Jesus or some sort of Samaritan* and I don’t get angry very easily at all, I’d like to get married some day and start a family in Japan. So do you think any Japanese men will be interested in me? ^.^
Wha-…I can’t even…no, seriously..n-what please, no no no no no! The amount of times I’ve seen this is ridiculous.
Being serious for a moment, firstly, what makes anyone a better catch for someone else because they have a certain percentage of their genes the same as the other person? Not even their genes! Just having some relatives that are the same ethnicity as another person. Does this seriously make someone a better partner? Of course not! It seems like every time I see a paragraph like this it includes the exact same info and additionally some sentence along the lines of ‘yeah so I’m 1/4 Japanese and 3/4 Western’. If you are someone who has mentioned this, stop. It’s not necessary. It doesn’t matter if you have a small amount of Asian genes in you, if you didn’t grow up in their country, you are no closer to being one of them as anyone else.
In relation to that point, why would your boyfriend ever want you to be somebody you’re not? Why would you WANT to be with someone who wanted you to be someone you’re not?! You are not Japanese and trust me, when you find the right person they will accept that. In fact it won’t even need to be accepted. Because it shouldn’t even be a problem! Don’t think about ethnicity, just think about personality. That is what will sell you trust me I know.
Moving onto that list of physical features that apparently EVERY GIRL ON THESE FORUMS HAS! Ohohohoho. They all sound exactly the same but if they were lined up next to one another they’d look nothing alike. The one thing that annoys me about this particular part of their post is the fact that they basically all describe themselves as having features that are considered, across the whole of Japan, to be pretty/cute/beautiful whatever you want to call it. Yes, having big eyes, a small face, being skinny, nice hair, these features may be largely approved of, but you’re not showing any individuality. Some advice for people who do this? You’re clearly trying to fit into somewhere you’re not meant to fit in to. I’ll say this again. You’re not Japanese. Even if you do have these features, don’t dwell on it. People might look at you and say you’re kawaii but it’s not going to help you actually gain a real, trustworthy Japanese boyfriend. It’s basically the same as people in the Western world trying to get a boyfriend or girlfriend based on their appearance alone. You know very well what people think about those types. Shallow. What makes it any different in the Asian world? Nothing.
Finally, listing all the best personality traits you have is not going to be very beneficial unless you balance it with every negative trait you posses and since that’s not exactly going to happen, you may as well stop post about your personality at all. Who the heck enters into a relationship with someone not knowing what their personality is fully like? If all you do is tell someone or show someone you’ve got a lot of patience, you’re kind and caring, you’re willing to look after them and you’re funny and good at cooking and all these wonderful traits you are not being honest with someone and that’s only going to slap you in the face with a wet fish later. Imagine living with your boyfee and one day he snaps and starts being nasty because he had a crap day at work and he didn’t see any food on the table when he got home. What if one day he’s too lazy to find a job or look after your dog or post something important for you. Know.your.partner.
I literally have crap all to say about the ‘I one day want to get married in Japan’ part. It’s probably the only decent section!
Anyway, so this is one major major MAJOR thing that should be avoided, asking questions about how your appearance and (parts of) your personality will heighten or lower your chances of getting a Japanese boyfriend. It’s just not necessary whatsoever. See you later guys!
Fag it. I love writing so this one’s going up today too. Good god it’s ra-HAY-ning here guys! I swear England, what thaaa frig?! Anyway anyway!
1.) Firrrrst things first.
*SCHLAP* (cannot find a Foxxy Cleopatra tranny slapping Austin Powers gif online GOD!)
‘Now make sure you reveal as much chest as you can and as for the makeup PILE THAT SHIZ ON!’ said no one ever. Don’t turn yourself into a human optical illusion because when they find out you’re really a troll they’ll be gone like *that*. Just kidding. BUT! You’re basically just showing that you’re not taking a language exchange seriously and the only people you’ll get contacting you are peeps who are, how do I say this, not looking to exchange languages. Yes. some people are on there to do just that.
Just a simple photo of you, you can pose but not looking like you’re smushed up against a window if you’re following me. Basically no chest, no fake face and no ridiculous expression in an attempt to look ‘sexier’. I made the mistake of attracting the wrong sorts of people anyway by doing nothing, which can happen quite commonly with girls, and it ended up on Skype text chat with him asking me to play a bad, BAD version of ‘would you rather’. Dear god…I can only thank the LAWHD that most people who are signing up for language exchanges are not these types of people anyway so summarised? Just don’t try to be someone you’re not, it only ends in crap.
2.) If you’re genuinely looking for a language exchange partner you end up looking for a clear picture of someone’s face right? Although in some cases this can be dismissed if their description sells them. Your description is the second thing people will look at on most lang exchange sites. It’s basically where you can say what you’re looking for in your own words.
E.g. ‘I’m looking to meet new friends who can teach me blah blah blah I can teach you English and explain our culture’ or ‘I’m looking for a Japanese/Korean language exchange partner who can help me with grammar etc etc I can help you improve your English!’
Don’t put anything too demanding like ‘I want’ and ‘I need’ as it sort of depicts you as a possessive person in a way and nobody wants a controlling partner. Just put in what you’d ‘like’ and what you can give back. When people hear they can get something out of it you’ll be raking in the requests!
3.) I don’t recommend putting your contact information in the description just because, as I mentioned in the last post, you may have some people contacting you that you’re really not that interested in and if they get hold of your Skype ID or your facebook or your phone number (god forbid) you may be subjected to random messages that will.get.annoying (interpals.net is a site that this can happen on). Wait until someone contacts you or you contact them and then switch contact details.
Some language exchange sites actually forbid people to include contact details in their descriptions (mylanguageexchange.com enforces this rule) and can warn and ban you from the site if done again.
4.) Don’t tick the ‘willing to meet in person’ box if you’re not willing to meet in person! I made this mistake and ended up making excuses for a good few weeks before changing it. You might think ‘meh, I could meet them if I wanted to I guess plus it’s not even likely that anyone is going to ask me to meet them anyway!’ but if somebody sees you’re ‘willing’ to then they will ask! The fact is, some people are prepared to go through hour long train journeys just for a drink in a café with you and that costs money! If they’re prepared to do that only to be let down because you chickened out, save them the disappointment and un-tick the box. On the other hand, many people who want to meet in person are also completely fine on Skype or even text chat so you won’t necessarily lose them because you can’t meet up, it’s just nicer to save time by being truthful.
5.) DON’T use it as a dating site. This is probably the crappest thing ever, who wants to be sent a request thinking they’ve found a great person who could really help them improve their linguistic skills only to find out they just want to date them. You might get a little flattered but in the end it’s just irritating. I’m pretty sure Asians don’t want to be talked to just because someone wants to date them for their ethnicity (and maybe because they’re good looking) and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t either. Nobody does, so don’t. Go on a dating site, there are ones specifically for your ‘specifications’ I’m sure.
6?) Some people would talk about names on lang exchange sites but to be quite honest, I don’t have a massive problem with someone’s name. I’ll admit I may be slightly more attracted/drawn to a user that has an actual real name as their username but if they don’t it never determines whether or not I message them. Ever. Just don’t make it anything sexual. I did actually see one that said ‘Imgonnalickyoursushi’ which made me laugh so hard! And yes I did send a message complimenting their name…how could I not!? Paha! I suppose interesting or unique usernames may catch someone’s eye but it’s not the name that does it for someone. Quite a few of my friends have had usernames related to cars and food and it never bothered me because like I said earlier, first the photo (but not alllll the time) then the description. The little details come afterwards.
So that’s what NOT to do on a language exchange, if you have any questions about the language exchanges just leave a comment and I’ll get back to you!
I’m going to list the lang sites I’ve used now and rate them:
mylanguageexchange.com – most popular, very good! I got responses very quickly but AFTER I became a ‘gold member’ which allowed me to message other users. If you’re not a gold member you can’t do this. Down side is you need to pay to become a gold member, you can do this through months. It’s not expensive and it’s worth it because you instantly become attractive because you can respond to people’s HI’s.
lang-8.com – Awesome! You basically write diary entries in your chosen language and people can correct and comment on your entry to help you! I’ve earned myself a small reputation of being quite good at correcting some english entries myself, it’s really fun!
Interpals.net – really good and casual, it’s more of a penpal site where people can express whether they want a language exchange or a friendship or love/dating relationship. It’s cool, I’ve met nice people on there and it’s nice for casual chats!
Ittalki.com – I haven’t has much experience with this one but it is good, it’s simple and you can request to find an actual language teacher online to help you.
The top three are my most used personally because they’re so easy to use. 🙂